Now I ain’t sayin’ (s)he a gold digger


Ever have those friends you never delete off Facebook because their statuses offer some kind of entertainment? Yeah, I have a few of those kind of “friends”. One guy, however, had this period of time when he was so scorned by his “baby momma” that he kept posting statuses about how females will only want males when they can support them financially and basically declaring that we were all dependent on men when we needed something (which according to him was all the time) and then we don’t need you. Supposedly we were all whores yet he couldn’t find a nice girl. I found it ironic however when he then got really involved in his church and would post all these religious-based statuses and declaring how everyone else sinned and we were basically going to Hell. (I guess because we didn’t post daily bible verses or our daily testament, I dunno). It seemed like such a 180. 

One of his notable posts was about how when people get married the female needs to sign a pre-nup so that she doesn’t take all of the husband’s finances in a divorce. Now, if we were to back up a bit this is the same person who had just previously mentioned being down on his luck having to live in the back of his car until he finally got a job at an unnameable company that is known for paying the bare minimum to their employees. So, even if the minimum wage (in Maryland, the other states seem to fluctuate in wage increases) goes up to $10 like most minimum wage employees hope, you’d only make $20,000 a year BEFORE taxes. In his previously mentioned bible-related posts, he’d find verses about women being submissive to their husbands and basically welded that to say that the woman shouldn’t work so that they could stay at home to have children and wait on her husband, the breadwinner, whenever he needed. 

I’m sorry…but it doesn’t always work like that. I had to respond after he went on about us females getting married only to divorce and then take half of the husband’s belongings.

So what happens if the wife makes MORE money than the husband?

Because quite frankly that’s going to happen to me whenever I get married (if I get married after I graduate because as of right now, almost everyone makes more money than me).  Do you mean to tell me that if you just so happened to marry a female who made more than your $20,000 a year that you’ll expect her to quit her job so that she can be a housewife like you twisted Bible verses around to believe she should? Or is it your sense of inferiority that makes you think you can’t possibly be with a woman who can be more successful than you? 

Then other people like to bring up (and I can’t lie, mostly it’s women who say this) the fact that you don’t marry for money-you marry for love. But sadly how many women will only want to marry a man with money? I can’t lie…when I was looking at prospective dating partners I wouldn’t go for someone who had a minimum wage job-not because “Oh he’s poor, he can’t take care of me” but rather because I didn’t want to think that someone would only want to be with me knowing that once I graduate I was going to make a good amount of money. I once dated this guy when I was in high school; he was a senior when I was a freshman and while other seniors are worrying about what college they’re going to or what they want to be when they “grow up”, he had none of those problems. In fact, he had no aspirations at all. Maybe this is fine for some people, and I can’t knock you for that but usually people who decide not to go to college have some other kind of back up plan, such as going into a certain trade or trying to work their way up their current work ladder. Not him. We dated for 3 years and I watched him as he continued to live at his parents (again not knocking this fact since I just moved out again at the age of 27) but he didn’t save any money and it didn’t seem that he had any plans of moving out or moving on with his life. He was stuck in this comfortable situation-living at home with his parents, spending all his money on fast food and useless junk and then coming home to play video games when I wasn’t with him because of my full-time college classes and my part-time job.

We broke up my freshman year of college, thankfully. 

I remember toward the end of our relationship that I was getting tired of his lazy attitude-I was taking 18 credits, two science labs and had a part-time job yet I still made time to see him in my free time, whereas he was barely working 40 hours, spending his money unwisely and then telling me he couldn’t do things because he was broke. Would I want to marry someone who couldn’t even manage their money when they were still living at home? What would happen once you move in with them and have more expenses other than their pre-paid cell phone and car insurance? And god forbid what would happen once you married them and then got divorced? I was pre-med when I first started college so I had these horrific fears that if we got married he would still refuse to save money (or apply himself to find a better paying job) and then if we got divorced I would be forced to pay him alimony after I slaved away to work my way up the success ladder. I had told him if we ever got married, he would need to sign a pre-nup. 

Would I say this to anyone I married? No…but in his case I would be afraid of the repercussions if the marriage had failed. So it’s not that all females only marry in order to be financially supported, but sometimes the wife ends up having to support her husband instead. Like my current situation right now: my boyfriend makes good money now, but I’ll still end up making more. Will I require a pre-nup? No, because I know that one wouldn’t be necessary with him. He took care of himself before we started dating (he even supported his ex wife before they got divorced) and that wouldn’t stop just because we get married in the future. 

Overall, not all females marry just to be taken care of. Not all of us want that life…some of us (such as myself) want to work hard and be able to show the fruits of our labor–we don’t need your money to do that. Men, don’t think that you’re superior to your wives that you expect to automatically be the breadwinner…she may be more successful and make more money than you. Just don’t get offended when she asks YOU to sign a pre-nup to protect HER assets if you know you would do the same if the roles were reversed. 

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