So on Christmas Eve, my crazy, lovable boyfriend of a year and a half proposed to me. We had just taken a cruise the week before and if I had it my way, we would have eloped then instead of having to deal with wedding plans.
I don’t consider myself a bridezilla but I really didn’t want a wedding. I figured with this being his second wedding, he may have been wedding’d out and I kept pushing for us to elope but to no avail.
Traditionally (or at least according to those generic Pinterest wedding pins about who takes care of what with the wedding costs) the bride’s family is supposed to pay for the wedding. My one friend, who is a DJ and frequents weddings on the regular even said this to me. But despite us being good friends he forgot one detail: my family doesn’t function like that.
I don’t have that doting dad who I can’t wait to walk down the aisle with…yes, I have a dad who is still married to my (unhappily married, might I add) mother but we don’t get along. In the beginning of our relationship I stayed the night with Russell (I was 26, not 16!) because we had been drinking wine and I wasn’t going to drive home after that. I got home the next morning (since I was still living at home due to being a full-time pharmacy doctorate student) and my brother basically told me my dad called me a “whore” because I stayed at a guy’s house. My mother didn’t deny it nor confirm it but knowing her, she was confirming it in so many words. Ironically she forgets this now.
Then there is the fact that my father has never been supportive with my educational endeavors. I’m sorry that you never finished your Bachelor’s Degree (ok, maybe I’m not) but that doesn’t mean you have to be an ass because I have my BS and I’m graduating with my doctorate next month. “Why go to pharmacy or any type of grad school- you only need a bachelor’s degree for most jobs” (That was seriously what he asked me when I was applying to pharmacy school, before that I originally wanted to be a medical doctor.) Either way, he’s never been very supportive that his daughter may be more successful than him…while other parents are just happy that their kids are no longer living at home and mooching off them and can only dream of their children wanting to aim for those advanced degrees, he’s backwards in the fact that he’d almost rather I fail out and work at a minimum wage job so at the end of the day he’s the successful one.
Way to suck, Dad.
So one thing to figure with this wedding is that WE (my fiance and I) are paying for it essentially all on our own. I already know I can’t rely on my family and I know that we could handle it since I’m graduating next month and then I start a 6 figure career. Money shouldn’t be an issue but I do have a problem with people who think just because I’m going to be able to afford more than what I’m looking at doesn’t mean I want to pay that. Maybe if we had help, but so far we don’t so I’m going with what I can afford…and what I actually want to pay.
I’m not very big into family as you may have just read from my last paragraph. He on the other hand is….I want nothing more than to get married somewhere tropic where there is no one around that we know so that we can enjoy our honeymoon in peace.
That’s not going to happen however. So I did pick a venue here in the town where we live, but he didn’t like it at first and went on to ask friends on Facebook for recommendations for other venues. Other venues I checked out (to essentially rule them out) were either more expensive than I wanted to spend or they were booked on our day (and unlike a suggestion I was given, we are not changing our date just to accommodate the place). So I stand firm on my venue choice, which I think he has came around to.
Picking out the bridal party wasn’t too hard of a task either, but still something to not take lightly. I picked out 5 bridesmaids at first and when I asked him about his groomsmen choice he told me he only had 4. So I cut one of my girls (before telling them of course!). But that one choice wasn’t too hard to cut out since I can’t rely on her based on some of her previous actions such as cancelling dinner dates with other people due to runny noses or period cramps. I know another girl who got married and her one bridesmaid cancelled on her the night BEFORE the wedding. I just don’t want something like that to happen to me. So how do you handle this situation with your friend when they are basically asking you who is in your wedding? I don’t want to hurt her feelings, so I guess I am trying to avoid that question session with her but at times it gets kind of weird when she asks about wedding plans and how they are going. It’s not that I don’t value her friendship, but due to his number of guys and my other bridesmaids that I’m closer with I couldn’t really include her. But I can always see if she wants to have another part when the wedding day comes.
The guest list!!! Going along with prices, most venues charge you depending on how many people are attending. Since our venue caters they charge so much for the reception based on number of people. We have a list of 130-and even then that isn’t including most of our family and friends….just the close ones.
And did I mention how rude it is for someone to just blatantly tell you “I better be invited to your wedding!” The first couple of people who made this remark are indeed on our guest list, but the last one wasn’t. I haven’t talked to my one distant cousin in months and I get a text from her asking if I’m getting married and then this proclamation about being invited. Thanks for keeping in touch!
So we’re a little more than a year out from the wedding (April 16, 2016) and all we’ve really done so far is agree on a venue, a date, the bridal party (well at least I’ve asked my half), the guest list and I have looked at dresses.
I’m afraid to see what the coming months will bring. But for right now wedding plans will have to wait….I need to graduate first, May 15, 2015 🙂